


The Fat That Aomine Loses

by KuharaEuler



Category: Free!, Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-17 17:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11856651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuharaEuler/pseuds/KuharaEuler
Summary: Aomine's untraining finally caught up with him. Midorima finally breaks and starts his own cult. Kuroko is showing off his perfect boyfriend left and right. Will Aomine be able to lose his pounds, or will Sakurai 'feel sorry' for making him go through heavy training?I try to write something comedic. I am quite a drab person in real life. I intend to make this a oneshot, but it may need a few chapters instead. Do mention how much you cringe at reading my work.





	1. Unfit Jeans and A Cultic Diet.

CHAPTER 1

The sun is low on the horizon and sakura blossoms fall from their trees. Aomine smiles as he stretches on his bed and looks to the mirror. He slips into his beloved medium-sized trousers and...

 _Why on Earth?_ The bluehair man tries to buckle his belt at the usual hole, but it won’t budge. _Come on, you useless thing!_ He finally manages to buckle it, but as he tries to wear his socks, the belt pinches his belly. He jolts up in pain. He fumbles at his belt and unlatches it. The belt pin exploded, hitting his forehead.

His day in the office isn’t very good either.

“Congratulations, Ahomine! How many months already?” Kagami’s mocking smile is enough to give Aomine the reason to fight him. And the redhead’s hand rubbing his stomach does not help matters.

“Oy, stop touching! Are you my husband or something?” Aomine slaps the redhead’s hand away.

“As if any man or woman wants to get married to a basketball junkie!”

“You are one yourself, Bakagami!”

“Say that again to my face!”

The both of them glares at each other. Their hands are already in the positions to punch each other when a brownhair young man waves some documents in front of them.

Sakurai looks at the both of them with disapproving eyes. “I’m sorry, but I must break up your fight. We are in the police department office after all. You have to use the boxing gym for that.”

Kagami lets go of the bluehair’s shirt and breaks his knuckles. “Well, Ahomine, let’s go!”

The brownhair slaps the papers he is holding to Aomine’s chest. “I’m sorry, but we are still at working hours. Aomine, get down to the case you have been seducing me for the last three weeks.”

The brownhair turns to the redhead. “And you Kagami, where is my report? The case of the missing children is closed by you, somehow, but we can’t prosecute if you don’t write down anything. If the both of you won’t be professional, I’m sorry that I have to use my authority as the boss here to fire you both. I’m sorry but this isn’t highschool anymore. Do the both of you muscleheads get that?”

The both of them stands upright. “Yes, Sir.”

“Oh, and Aomine, I’m sorry to say this, but you have gone pudgier. You too, Kagami.”

Kagami’s right eye twitches in anger. “Oi, boss, what does that have to do with the job?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, don’t you know? We have fitness test on July. Our government demands that all employees must be within BMI standards or you will have to join a weightloss program. I’m sorry but we should be briefed about it this afternoon. Try not to miss, or I’m sorry that you will locked out.” The sorryful brownhair leaves them both to enter his office.

“Aomine, your former junior is frightening.”

“Yeah, Kagami. There was a time when he used ‘I’m sorry’ unironically. How did it come to this?”

“You bullied him until he breaks, that’s what.”

“Baka...” Aomine is about to throw the papers he just received to the redhead’s face, but reads it instead. “Well, let’s continue later. I have a motorcycle thief to apprehend.” Kagami can only look as the bluehair emits dark miasma from his body, cackling in mischiveous laughter.

That afternoon, he pinches his stomach. The is a small roll of fat on top of his formerly well-chiseled abs. Now not only do the testers look at your physical performance, they also measure your body, along with skin calipers. Too high, and you may even be fired!

There was a time when this is not a concern. Just him, basketball, and everyone who tried to take his top position, and failed. Except that one lightbluehair, his friend that he throws away just because he can’t take his pass anymore. A drop of tear falls from his left eye.

“Time sweeps away the/ flowers and fruits of the past/ leaving a dry tree.”

 _Whoa, an English haiku. But why I am thinking it in Tetsu’s voice?_ He looks to the sky. He suddenly senses his left ribs being jabbed. He looks to his left, to see his lightbluehair friend. “Tetsu!”

The former Phantom Sixth Man of Teiko, Kuroko Tetsuya, Tetsu to the darkbluehair, looks at him with expressionless eyes. He is sucking a large cup of milkshake slowly. “You seem to wonder about the past, Aomine-kun.”

“That was the time when I was awesome, legendary, even. Now I am just some old guy remembering his past glories.”

“We all are.”

Aomine extends his right hand. “Hey, Tetsu, may I sip your milkshake?”

The lightbluehair looks at his taller friend. His eyes show concern. “Okay, prepare yourself.” He hands over his milkshake.

Aomine takes a deep sip. A few seconds later, it bursts out of his mouth. “Tetsu, it tastes horrible!”

“I told you to prepare yourself.”

The darkbluehair coughs out the rest of the milkshake. “Eugh, have it back. Why is it not sweet at all?”

“I am dieting.”

“Huh? Like what, vegan or something?”

The short one sips his milkshake for a brief moment. “Keto.”

“What the hell is that?”

“You eat at most twenty grams of sugar a day. Less is better, but if you are a heavy exerciser, you may have to eat more. When was the last time you exercised, Aomine-kun?”

The darkbluehair remembers back to his police training days. While the police do have physical evaluations, he always pass without having to exercise. “I think it’s been years.”

“You should abandon the mentality of waiting for someone to defeat you. We already defeated you many times.”

Aomine laughs heartily. “You never beat me in basketball after that Winter Cup.”

“I beat you at finding a significant other first.”

“Oi, stop lording over your awesome Makoto Tachibana at me.”

“Why? He is a good man. Excellent with children. If I am a woman, I will breed his children like cockroaches.”

The darkbluehair looks at his shorter friend with unease.

“Anyways, Aomine-kun, the path of keto is open to those willing to abandon sweets. Join us, here, have a pamphlet.” Kuroko fishes out a pamphlet from his basket.

Aomine takes it and read. “Discussions on Ketosis and How Sugar is Devil Incarnate, by Doctor Midorima Shintarou.” _Why, of course._

“Hey, Tetsu, are y...” He looks around and sighs. “Why is his Misdirection so powerful?”

The pamphlet tells of a forum that will take place at Touou High School Auditorium. He knows where everything in the school is. It’s nice revisiting old familiar places. Too bad he is instantly shuffled to the auditorium and not allowed to walk around the area.

“Well, here you are.” Aomine looks to his right only to see Senior Orochimaru, sorry, Senior Imayoshi, smirking at him. He looks fat, but his face retains the same youthful looks it has years ago.

“Oh hello.” The darkbluehair shakes his hand cautiously, hoping it will not be the first step to his demise.

“Trying to lose weight?”

 _Stop reading minds, you psychic!_ “Well, only five or ten kilograms.”

The Orochimaru incarnate sigh deeply while taking a seat next to him. “My doctor told me that I may have prediabetes. I tried dieting, counting calories for the last two years. But however I try, I always fall back to old habits. Overeating, stressing, then overeat some more. I hope this Doctor Midorima will help me.”

Aomine can only pat his senior’s back with a look of concern. “Well, I have a physical test next July, so I have to lose some weight.”

They only have a few minutes of catching up on each other’s lives when the stage turns dark and the drumroll soundtrack is turned on. Izuki Shun and Takao Kazunari dances their way onto the stage. Izuki Shun dances ballet while dancing wearing an icecream costume. Takao dances freestyle while wearing a mochi costume. The dance is stranngely entertaining. Aomine and Imayoshi can only look, unable to either smile or cringe at the performance.

The dance ends with Izuki holding Takao’s right hand. “Scream in fear of icecream!”

Takao raises his left hand, all five fingers pointing to the sky. “Sketchy is the purpose of mochi!”

The two then shouts in chorus. “We cast doubt into monocrop agriculture, the old curse of humanity!”

The two of them walks in a pompous manner to carry forth a coffin shaped in the form of a Japanese rice bin. Izuki swings an axe prop. The bin opens from the front, revealing Midorima Shintarou wearing pharaoh’s costume. “Fear the rice, the ancient despot’s mighty scheme!” He swings his whip, the crack rings throughout the stage.

The rest of the lecture goes on as usual lectures go. People are mesmerised, jotting notes or nodding in understanding at Midorima’s explanation. He acts just like an academic do, only that he is wearing a pharaoh costume. Aomine scrawls his notes in his notebook. _I have no idea he is still swole after these years!_

The gist of the lecture goes like so. Humans have been hunter-gatherers for two million years, if we count from our earliest _Homo_ species. While agriculture has been developed for the last fifty thousand years, the human body have not adapted to it, and this causes many inflammatory diseases amongst humans.

The situation only gets worse from the strat of modern agriculture and food industry. Companies have pumped lots of sugars into our food, in the form of high fructose corn syrup.

After the end of the lecture, Izuki and Takao takes the stage again. Takao stand proud, presenting his right hand forward. “Come, those willingly be judged!”

Izuki present his left hand forward. “Face the eyes of Eagle and Hawk!”

Aida Riko enters from the middle of the stage, her costume being the most exquisite Egyptian Queen’s costume. “Under the Auspices of the Scan!”

The entire audiences looks to each other, some begins to whisper. One person stands up, and is escorted to the side of the stage by the stairs. Soon a line begins to form. Takao, Izuki, and Midorima sets up a screen into the form of a room. Aomine can hear a scream once in a while from the room, and a few minutes later, the person in the room exits with a piece of paper and a face that is smiling weirdly.

“Next!”

Aomine steps in. Aida Riko sits crosslegged on the chair, while Midorima stands, keeping in character as a pharaoh. Izuki and Takao sits behind a table, their heads looking down on their papers.

Midorima is the first to speak. “Do you have any diseases?”

The darkbluehair shakes his head.

“Metabolic disorders, something you can’t eat?”

The darkbluehair shakes his head.

“Goood, Aomine-san.” Her eyes looks sharply at the darkbluehaired man. “Now take off you shirt and pants.”

Aomine looks at Midorima. He is about to spout an omen. “Obey, Aomine.” He obliges.

“Oooh, looks like someone is in need of some heavy training.”

Aomine looks to the side, his tanned face showing tinges of red. “Tch, just admit that you want to ogle men’s bodies, Aida!”

Her gaze remains steady at Aomine even as her head lowers. “I want more than that. Izuki, basic anabolic food regime! Takao, heavy bodyweight exercises!”

The two birds of prey quickly jot down on their papers and hand it over to Aomine. “Please be sure to meet Doctor Midorima, if you have any meat in this regime.”

_Izuki, you pun makes no sense!_

“And Aida Riko will happy to coach you from couch if you are willing to vouch for her expenses!”

_Takao, now even you are infected!_

Aomine sighs as he steps out of the room. He looks at the diet list. _Oh, I can eat the Maji Burger. Without the bread._ His lips begins to twitch. He looks at Hanamiya and Imayoshi with a smile that invites a thousand questions.

“What an odd smile Aomine has, my dear Arrancar.”

“You’re the one to say, Orochimaru incarnate.”

The both of them gives piercing gaze into each other’s eyes. Though their face shows anger, their eyes show love.

The next day is a Saturday. Aomine is grateful his shift isn’t as odd as many other police officers. Who knows that a Monday to Friday workweek is one of Gods’ blessings on this Earth. _Heh, I sound like Midorima._

“Oi, Kagami, wanna exercise together?”

“Sorry, Aomine, he is being trained under me right now.”

He looks at his phone. “Eh, who’s this?”

“Alexandra Garcia. Who’s there?” A pause. “Aomine? Shall I tell Kagami that Aomine-kun calls him?”

 _Are you a klutz or did you forgot to operate your eye?_ “Nah, if he’s busy, I can trouble him later. Bye.”

 _Who else can i call?_ The darkblurhair looks at his address list on his phone.

“Hey, Tetsu?”

An unusually vibrant voice which has the ability to shine through the phone answers him. “Hello, Aomine-kun.”

 _Tch, Tetsu’s Super Lover!_ “Hello, is this Makoto Tachibana? Where’s Kuroko Tetsuya?”

“Kuro-chan? He battling his bedhair. It’s too... artistic for the day job. How can I help you?”

“Can you ask Tetsu if he is willing to do training with me?”

“Basketball, swimming, or something else?”

“A bit of all.” Aomine waits for an answer.

“Kuro-chan wants you to go to the Sabah Pool by four p.m. He says he also wants to show off something to you.”

Aomine is having some trouble before four p.m. Namely that he salivates when looking at rice, tapioca, cakes, bread, even that disgusting maibou Murasakibara is obsessed with. He can’t wait until noon for his first meal. The coffeebomb recipe isn’t too bad, but he is already hungry by ten and half a.m.

When he goes to Maji Burger, he looks at Kagami and Alexandra eating. Kagami places the bread away while Alexandra eats only the salad. _Even they are trying hard, eh? But for what?_

Finally it is noon. Aomine almost bites through the burger. His teeth sinks deep into the bread when he remembers. “Tch!”. He removes the bread, then bites into the rest.

“Bread covers the treasure/The real desire of men/ Discarded as waste.”

The darkbluehair chokes on his meat. Kuroko stands up and walks to his back. “Ignite Pass...” Kuroko’s stance is ready. He breathes the word, “KAI!”, light blue colour explodes from his palm as he palmfists Aomine’s back.  The meat falls back down the tray. He coughs in agony.

“Seriously, you can go be a shinobi if you want. And what’s with all the haikus?”

“I prefer teaching children. And I recently take up impromptu haiku as a hobby.”

“Yeah, when they are of age, you bring them to the Dark Side of Bad Haiku, or join Imayoshi’s Theatre of Horrors. Cough!”

Kuroko returns to his seat. “So, you have joined Midorima-kun’s keto cult?”

“I guess so. But i have no idea how to do the exercises Aida gave me. I want to ask you to help.”

“OK, but you must watch us swim first.”

“Say, we haven’t talked much lately. Wanna stay and chat?”

“Well, it is Saturday.”

They discusses Momoi. She has married another bluehair man, Rei Ryugazaki. They met back in university, taking a major in Biochemistry. Now they run a sports supplement company.

“I thought she will still be pining for either one of us.”

“Well, she and me are more like brothers, and you practically ditch her every day she wants you. She can’t wait forever.”

Kuroko laughs. “I’m glad she doesn’t grow old waiting for us.”

They go to the arcade. Aomine wins the shooting game, while Kuroko wins the racing game. Kuroko smiles widely, a rare sight to behold. _Aomine-kun, I’m glad I only need to defeat you once._

They reach the Sabah Pool by three and a quarter p.m. The children are excitedly waiting for the event, whatever it is. Haruka Nanase is a weird person, and this pool facility proves it. It began when Haru and Makoto first broke up. In his anguish. Haru left Japan and his career as an Olympic swimmer to stay in Sabah, Malaysia. There he falls in love with the place. Especially due to its choice of mackerels to offer. He entered many nooks and crannies in the state, even where the cityborn natives are unwiliing to enter.

And the result shows in the building. Buginese pinisi adorns the main garden, Dusun shields hangs in the walls, and motifs from various tribes colour the white walls with leaves and vines of varying shades of green and blue. Makoto and Haru had come to terms of their incompatibility as lovers, and worked together to build and improve this place. The only weakness of this place is the cafeteria, too many mackerels and too few drinks other than mineral water.

“We are here, Aomine-kun. Now,” Kuroko, Makoto, and Haruka lines up by the pool. Rin and Gou Matsuoka blows the whistle, and the three of them strips and jumps into the pool. Haru and Kuroko circles each other as Makoto dances in the middle. The two blue hairs carry the theme of dolphins, while Makoto is majestic in performing the theme of orca in their dance.

The three of them unites in a circle and kicks their feet rhythmitically. The dance continues for some time. Aomine is enthralled by the dance and fails to look away as the dance is finished. Only when the children cheers and claps their hands does he lose the hypnosis.

“What do you think, Aomine-kun?” Kuroko wipes his face with a towel as Makoto wipes his back.

“Mesmerising. What is the dance for?”

“Ah! It’s for celebrating the opening of this pool. It’s been three years.”

Haruka Nanase looks at Aomine. “You are pudgy.”

Aomine can feel the sting of the words piercing through his heart. “Well, Tetsu, I need you to teach me some of these exercises.”

“We’ll do it after the celebrations.”

While Aomine does enjoy the celebrations, his heart is beating very fast. Makoto and Kuroko is feeding each other cake, while taking turns feeding it to their boss, Haru-chan. Haru and Kuroko does not smile, but their eyes shows happiness.

The celebration is finally over by six p.m. Aomine sighs. _Thank God it’s over._ “Come eat, Aomine.”

“Gaaahhh!” Haru and Kuroko appears behind Aomine, each holding a piece of cake. “Open up...”, the both of them say as Aomine is still in shock. He fails to close his mouth before the cake enters his mouth. _Ghhhh, it’s not sweet._ Aomine chews it gratefully, his first day of dieting not failing miserably.

“Where is the training menu?”

Aomine opens his wallet and fishes out a neatly folded piece of paper. Makoto, Haru, and Kuroko reads it. “Not bad at all. Although you may have to work from a lesser rank of the exercise.”

Makoto smiles as he tilts his head to the side. “Well, let’s go to my place! I have a home gym there!”

Since it’s night, the time is spent more on watching Youtube videos on how to do the exercises. “If all I have to do is to watch Youtube, I just need to open my smartphone.”

The lightbluehair looks at him with his pokerface. “You may be too injured and can’t call us to help. After all, your house is small.”

The darkbluehair clutches his heart in pain. It’s true, Makoto’s house is large enough for him and his husband. “You don’t have to rub it in, Tetsu.”

“Well, let’s see you do the exercises.”

Aomine surprises himself that he could do advanced pushups in the recommended amount. So do the pullups, although his triceps and shoulders burn like mad. The only thing that he has trouble doing is one legged squats, with his jeans hugging his belly.

“Aomine-kun, take off your pants.”

“Oi! I am not a stripper.”

Kuroko pulls a rubber band and flicks it at Aomine. “I already have Makoto.”

Makoto gives a chuckle while Haru looks at him with a judging eyes. The blue-eyed swimmer looks at him with a slight frown. “Do you need a swimmer trunks?”

Soon enough, the darkbluehair is presented with one variety of swimmer trunks. Black with purple stripes. _No wonder your ex left you for Tetsu! Try something new!_

Aomine tries squatting again. Now he could do it.

“Allow me to ride on you.” Aomine’s legs is shaking, he grunts heavily. Kuroko is steady on Aomine’s shoulder. The darkbluehair lifts the lightbluehair up. The motion is interrrupted as Aomine’s left leg give way. They tumble backwards. Kuroko lands flat on his back while Aomine somehow hits his head on cement.

The darkbluehair rubs his head in agony. “What have you been eating, Tetsu, stones?”

The lightbluehair shows off his biceps. “Please look, Aomine-kun.” His biceps are much bigger than back during their Vorpal Swords days. _Stones, stones and steroids._

Makoto claps his hands together. “Aomine-san, why don’t you stay for the night? We can talk more about Kuro-chan and Haru-chan together! It’ll be like primary school.”

“I am fine!” He tries to stand up, but his head is still drowsy. He falls on his knees. “Well, let me stay the night, please?”

Makoto squees while Kuroko smiles a little. Haru already carries pillows and beds enough for each of them. Makoto lies next to Kuroko while Haru lies next to Aomine. The night is not magical. Makoto and Kuroko reminisces about their days together, while Haru and Aomine pouts together.

Aomine scoots a bit away from the two lovebirds. He beckons Haru to do the same. “Haru, odd isn’t it, people talking about us right in front of us?”

“I prefer they don’t do so. But I learn a lot about you. You should not drop friends even if they get weak at the sport of your choosing.”

“I am not,” the darkbluehair realises he squeakes, “I was not abandoning him. I just couldn’t play with him anymore back then.”

“You can play with anyone, just like I can swim with anyone. Competitions are different. Play is different. Do you realise that already?”

“Yeah, Kuroko asked me to teach him how to shoot a day after he defeats me.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, you should watch him play one day. Well, he no longer plays, but I think there are match videos.”

“Then you are a good man.”

_What is that supposed to mean, you waterlover?_

They next day, Aomine returns home. His head is alright, but his back hurts like hell. Now he has to cook. He messages his rival. “Hello, Kagami.”

“Eh, no Bakagami today?”

Aomine feels red hot blood surging through his head. _Calm yourself, you have to do this._ “Kagami, please... pleaseteachmehowtocook!”

“Hah? Well, wait for thirty minutes. You have food stocked in your fridge?”

Aomine looks at the phone. _He catched my words?_ He missed a breath. _HE CATCHED MY WORDS?_ “Mmmm, have no idea if it’s the right kind. Usually I only cook water or ramen.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Kagami arrives half an hour later with a load of raw food. He smiles widely, his hand clutching a whole lot of vegetables and meat. “Can I come in?”

Aomine’s eye twitch a little. “Yes, please.” Kagami slips out of his slippers and navigates through the door. Aomine snatches a few of the bags. “Kitchen’s this way.”

There is an array of foods in display of the kitchen. Oil, sugar, salt, cabbages, chicken, meat, and other food items adorns the formerly drab kitchen. Aomine looks at it with watery eyes. “Are you paying for my groceries?”

Kagami’s grin is sweet, almost as sweet as winning the Winter Cup. “Only this time, yes.”

_Are you planning something, Bakagami?_

“Alright, let me see your basic skills. Can you peel the shallots, garlics, and onions?”

“No.”

“Don’t ‘no’ me, get to it!”


	2. Cooking and Loving. Also Stalking.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the author bores the reader with a description of cooking a simple dish. Then he has no idea how to make a love story. And he has even less knowledge on how police actually work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where the author bores the reader with a description of cooking a simple dish. Then he has no idea how to make a love story. And he has even less knowledge on how police actually work.
> 
> Yes, I really need someone to point me to the right direction. And quickly, before I start cracking the crack open.

CHAPTER 2

 _Don’t ‘no’ me, get to it! Just because you buy the groceries..._ Aomine takes one of the shorter knives he has and one of the garlic bulbs. He tries to remove the base of the garlic.

“Wait, wait, wait, stop.”

The darkbluehair looks at him. “What?”

“Here’s how you do it.” Kagami takes a garlic bulb and rips it off clove by clove. “There. Then,” he takes another knife and peels of the skin carefully. Aomine follows suit. “Careful, Ahomine, you may hurt yourself.”

“I know.”

Soon three bulbs are peeled. “Now for the shallots. Just do the same as you did the garlic. It does not usually have cloves, so just peel away.”

The darkbluehair smiles widely as he peels away. _Heh, I’m surprisingly good a... OUCH!_ The knife slips and cuts a bit of Aomine’s fingertip. “Ow!”

Kagami snatches his hand and dabs a tissue on it. He looks at the size of the injury. “It should not bleed for long. Just watch how I do it.” The redhead presses the injury for a few seconds, before letting the hand go. The darkbluehair feels the warmth in his cheeks.

“Oh, Aomine, please keep the other meats in your freezer. The vegetables, you put them in the lower compartment.”

It takes half an hour, but Kagami soon have about thirty shallots in a bowl, peeled and ready.

“Now the onions. Aomine, stop being a pussy and wash your hand.” The darkbluehair obliges and peels the onions.

Kagami nods with approval at Aomine’s work. “What I am going to teach you is stir-frying. It forms the basis of cooking in many Asian countries, except for Japan.”

“Wait, why aren’t you teaching me Japanese cooking?”

Kagami shrugs. “Never learnt it. I lived in USA until high school, remember?”

“Hah? Ooooh...”

Kagami looks around the kitchen. It’s odd that for someone who cooks nothing but ramen and rice, that there is a pan, wok, and pot on display. “Well, what do you want to cook for lunch?”

“Fried rice.”

“You’re on keto, Ahomine.”

“You’re the one asking Bakagami!”

The redhead’s eye begins to twitch.“You’re...”, he takes a few deep breaths, “Well, other than carbohydrate-rich foods, what do you want to have for lunch today?”

“No idea, hamburgers?’

Kagami snorts, holding back his laughter. “That you can buy at supermarkets and grill. I’ll show you how to do stir-fried chicken in soy sauce, for two. Take notes and pictures.”

He begins by cutting the chicken breasts. He slices the chicken perpendicularly, along the muscle lines. Aomine takes the pictures with the smartphone. “Since you’re just a beginner, don’t bother buying whole chickens. Just buy the parts you want to eat, like breasts or thighs, and cook as usual. Hey, your turn.”

“Wait, whoa!” Aomine is steered to the chopping board, his hands are held close.

“Your left hand, form it like a claw,” Kagami forms Aomine’s left hand, “and your right, cuts with the knife.” The redhead holds the darkbluehair’s right hand and knife. He then guides the hand he’s holding and cut. “Your left hand guides the cutting, so don’t cut your fingers. Got it?”

Aomine nods. _My cheeks feel warm._ Kagami lets him go. “Alright, begin.” Aomine’s cut isn’t as beautiful as Kagami’s. “It’s alright, it will taste the same once it enters our stomach.”

While he cutting the chicken, his cooking teacher grabs a few shallots and garlic. His hand is stopped by the redhead. _Hey, what are you thinking, asshole?_

“Do you have a blender or mortar and pestle?”

The darkbluehair raises his eyebrow. “The what or what now?”

Kagami sighs. “Cut the chicken quickly. I will show you the next step.”

Aomine is still rather slow, but the chicken breasts are soon cut. He places it in a bowl. Kagami takes the board and starts cutting his shallots.

“Oi, don’t you wash it first?”

“The onions? No. Not the board either, but okay.” Kagami gives the board a quick rinse. “There. Now, since you have neither mortar and pestle nor blender, you have to chop your onions by hand. Take pictures or notes, I don’t want your hands get hurt.”

Aomine smiles a little at the redhead’s comment. _D’awww, but why is he so sweet? Did a parasyte took you over?_

“Again.”

_Oi!_

Kagami takes a large stainless steel knife and slides it carefully on the thick of his thumb. He nods, satisfied at its sharpness. Aomine sweats a little at this gesture. _You look like a serial killer._

The redhead splits the shallots to two, then slices them thinly. The darkbluehair watches in amazement as the almost paper-thin slices drop off the knife. Then he takes the garlics, places it one by one on the board and carefully places the knife on it. SLAM!

The darkbluehair jumps. The redhead repeats again. Soon all the required shallots are cut, and garlics crushed. “There, now for the condiments.” The redhead prepares soy sauce, oyster sauce, mustard greens, and half an onion. “Aomine, look here.”

The darkbluehair looks on as the redhead cuts the base of the stem off. Then he cuts the stems from the leaves. “Do you throw the stems away?”

“No, we eat them.”

“Eh?”

“Just shut up and look.”

Kagami arranges the stems and leaves so that the line between the two aligns. Then in one swift chop, he cuts it off. “That’s how you quickly do it.” He separates the two, and cuts them to smaller pieces. “No need for it to be too small, the heat will shrink it either way.”

Aomine simply nods.

“Now for the cooking process itself.”

“First, make sure your wok is clean.” Kagami rinses the wok, and wipes it with a clean tissue paper. Then he places it on the stove, and opens the fire.

“Pay attention to the size of the fire. Too hot and your food will burn, too cold and your food won’t be cooked. Now put about two or three tablespoons of oil.”

The darkbluehair furiously jots down what the redhead says. He also takes picture of the fire.

“Give the oil a minute or two to heat up. Then, place your garlic, shallots, and onions to the oil.” Kagami casually throws them to the oil, then stirs it. The cackling of oil frightens his audience.

“Yeah, I jump the first time I did this too.” Kagami says as he smiles.

 _Oi, oi, stop insulting me!_ “Kagami, I am not scared.”

Kagami looks at him, as expressionless as Kuroko usually is. “Okay then. Smell the wok now.”

“Hah?”

“Just come close.” The two of them gets close to the wok and takes a whiff of the oil’s steam. Aomine jumps back a bit, holding his nose. “What the fuck is that smell?”

Kagami straightens himself. “That means the base is ready. Now to put in the sauce. Fetch me the soy and oyster sauce.”

“Ah, here they are.”

The redhead opens the soy sauce cap, stabs the squirting hole, and squirts a good amount of soy sauce into the oil. His audience looks with cautious interest.

“How much soy sauce do you put in?”

“As much as you want.”

The darkbluehair looks at the readhead like he is a drooling old man. “What? Chuck in the whole bottle?”

The redhead shrugs. “Hard to say actually. I squirt different amounts, and the taste becomes better or worse. One day, I find the right amount for the best taste, and I keep it that way ever since.”

Aomine scratches his head. “How do I measure the amount?”

“If you want some measuring tool, you can use those measuring cups. If you don’t have those, just take it from experience. How many times you shake the bottle, the area the condiment makes, how long you throw the condiments in, and other clues. It should be okay, as long as you don’t burn the food.”

Kagami mixes the soy sauce and the oil. “Come to think of it, maybe about four to five tablespoons.” Then he opens the oyster sauce bottle and pours the sauce into the wok. He slaps it at the base about two or three times. “Oyster sauce, about one or two tablespoons will do.”

The darkbluehair simply nods. _Heee... It’s like I have a chef teaching me how to cook._ Aomine smiles to himself.

Kagami feels a little sweat coursing down his brow. _Aomine, you smile like Hanamiya!_

“Aomine.”

“Yes!”

“Mix the sauce, please.”

Aomine takes his place, and stirs it like Kagami just did.

“Keep the stirring circular. Make sure the heat gets to every part of the sauce, or it will be burnt.

The redhead pours the chicken into the sauce. Some of the sauce hits the stirrer in the face. “Careful, Bakagami!”

He takes a paper towel and wipes Aomine’s face carefully. “Sorry about that.”

 _You’re being too nice. Cut that back a bit._ The darkbluehair is smiling to himself. _Not that I’m complaining. Fuck, I’m being tsundere like Midorima._

“Pour like half a cup of water. Then stir a bit every few minutes, cover it with a lid while waiting. Oh, make the fire a bit smaller, there.”

Aomine takes note of the position of the gas knob, it’s far easier than looking directly at the fire to judge its size. “How long do we have to wait?”

“Twenty to twenty five minutes. Remember to stir every thre to five minutes, or it will burn.”

He tries to form words in his mouth. He must know, why Kagami is so nice to him all off a sudden. “Oi, Kagami.”

“Yes?”

“Are you not commenting when I am going to have my baby?”

“No, why?”

“So, is this an elaborate prank, where you and your gang try to make this somehow embarassing?”

“No, why?”

“It’s odd seeing you so nice, like a girl trying to take my heart or some... Oh my God!”

Kagami blushes, then chuckles a bit. “Well, you caught me. Wait, let me stir that.”

The darkbluehair stammers as he gives far too large a space to the redhead. He stirs it in a collected manner, not letting a single drop to spill or fly from the wok. He knocks the spatula to the wok before looking back at the darkbluehair.

“I’m sorry for deceiving you.” Kagami begins to mumble a bit. He covers his mouth with his right fist, just by the index finger. “I just want to enter your heart, and ask you to one day protect me.”

Aomine begins to blush even redder. “Haven’t you asked me if I’m gay or not?”

The redhead chef looks to his side. “I’m afraid that if I asked first, you will deduce that I’m gay and won’t be my friend anymore.”

The darkbluehair pinches and pulls his chef’s cheeks apart. “I am more likely to stop being your friend because you keep making annoying jokes, Bakagami!”

“Ow, ow, ow! Ahomine, the cooking.” The redhead pulls the darkbluehair’s hands apart to throw the vegetables in.

He stirs, and Aomine hugs Kagami from behind. “Kagami, I’m bisexual and I love you.”

The redhead looks to the person behind him. “Aomine, I’m gay and I love you too.”

“Wanna fuck?”

“Not now.”

“Cuddle?”

“Soon.”

After about half an hour, Kagami adds some salt and ajinomoto. The dish is ready. The both of them splits the dish to two bowls for lunch later.

The redhead adjusts the sound so it is quieter. “Why do we always watch basketball?”

“We were demons on the basketball court. Now you are a strongman athlete, who the fuck knows how it came to be, and I grow bored of applying to become an athlete.”

“Why don’t you become a model?”

The darkbluehair shrugs. “Lazy.”

“Well, being a policeman is a lot more hard work.”

“I get to live my dream. Unfortunately my dream is a nightmare.”

The redhead looks at him. His face is sullen. “Sakurai, Aomine?”

“Nope. Just that, I thought being a policeman, you get to fight a lot of bad guys or stuffs. It is more paperwork and waiting than actual criminal fighting.”

“Oh.”

Kagami’s hands are touching Aomine’s waists. _Mmm, love handles._ He caresses Aomine’s fatty sides.

“You know I intend to lose them.”

“And I don’t intend to lose you.”

The darkbluehair looks at him with a mocking smile. “D’aww.”

The redhead pinches his nose. “Well, it’s noon. Come, let’s lunch.”

The lunch is not eventful. Aomine and Kagami finds they can enjoy each other’s company.

“Kagami, tonight I am planning a stakeout.”

“Huh?”

“You remember the motorcycle thief case? I get clues that he may be operating from one very specific spot. Somewhere around Minato district.

“Well, why me? Is that your idea of a date?”

Aomine spurts out some of the chicken. “No, I just realised that I am not partnered ever since Kiyoshi quit.”

Kagami’s right eyelid twitch. _How dense are you, Ahomine?_ “Well, I’ll join. I have sent Sakurai my report already. So when and where should we meet?”

“Come here by six pm. Wear something simple, like you’re going to buy ramen from the convinience store or something.”

“Alright.”

The darkbluehair walks the redhead to the door. “Kagami, I will need a lot more lessons from you. If you want to come, tell me.”

“Okay.” He waves his goodbye and walks back home.

Aomine looks at him with smiles. He closes the door and smiles in contentment. _He’s so strong that he can carry all these groceries on his own._ He feels an imaginary rock hits his head. _Wait, he carried all those groceries on his own? And I don’t even offer him coffee or some shit! Wait, why was I so lovey-dovey just now? Did we just became boyfriends? Will Kagami press charges on my sexual harassment?_ His breath quickens and becomes more shallow. _Oh god, what am I supposed to do? Call Tetsu! Cal Tetsu!_

Kagami smiles to himself, finding his own attempts to seduce Aomine going better than expected. Far, far, better. In fact, too good to be true. _Did I just let Aomine hug me? Did I just just become a shoujo girl? Am I the uke in this relationship?_ His face becomes even redder than his hair. His face is too hot for comfort. _Kuroko! He can help sort this out!_

The children are lining up before Kuroko, Sousuke, Haizaki, and Makoto. “Thank you teachers!”, the children shouts as they lower their heads. Then they quickly run back to the locker rooms to clean up.

Kuroko looks at Haizaki with a little smile. “Haizaki, do you enjoy teaching?”

“Mmm, far more than basketball, apparently.” The greyhair’s smile is even more radiant than Kise’s.

“It was hard to see you working very close to children, yet here you are.”

“Kurokocchi~~~!!!” A blond runs toward the lightbluehair and is about to glomp him. The lightbluehair sidekicks the glomper before his attempt succeeds. The will-be glomper pulls his head back before the attack connects. The blond’s face is serious. “That is uncalled for-ssu.”

“Kise-kun, please do not glomp me without my permission. Glomp your wife, Kise Misaki.”

The blond wears a smile on his face. “Misakicchi is busy with her work. Well, I am here to get my kids. Where are they?”

“They are changing in the locker rooms.” With that, Kuroko turns and leaves Kise with Haizaki.

“Haizakicchi, how’s your day?”

“Fine. They say most childrens are brats, but Kuroko do know how to bring the best of them.”

“It’s good to see our rivalry ending.”

“HAH! I am always the best,” He suddenly slumps his shoulders in defeat, “not in basketball or finding girlfriends though.”

Kise slumps his shoulders in defeat too. “And I’m no good in getting closer to Kurokocchi either.”

“Kise-kun, your children’s here.”

“Papa!” The three children glomps at Kise. Two daughters and one son, all of them sharing their father’s golden hair and eyes.

Just then, Kuroko’s smartphone rings. Kuroko presses the screen to receive the call and his face is bombarded with Kagami’s thunderous voice.

“Kuroko! Help me, I am going to be an uke and Aomine’s going to be seme, and I don’t know what to do!”

Kuroko’s face contort in pain. The children hugs their father even tighter causing him to fall. The greyhair looks at his colleague like someone threw flesh of a durian at him.

“Kagami-kun, please calm down. Please chat on Whatsapp, I have another call.” Kuroko ends the call to the redhead, and sighs when he sees his former first light is the one calling him. He signals Kise to go away. He takes his children with him. Then he extends his hand as far away as he can, and presses.

“Tetsu! That Bakagami is acting shoujo-like and ecchi-ecchi and we go ba...”

Kuroko inhales as deeply as he can. “Aomine-kun! Please filter your words! I am still working!”

“Sorry Tetsu!”

“I will open a group chat on Whatsapp. We will discuss your problems there.” Kuroko approaches Makoto. “Sir Tachibana, I would like half a day off. I need to guide two manchilds on how to be an adult.”

Makoto’s face loses its smile. “Tetsu-chan, do you need my help?”

“Not for now. Just some time to deal with them. And to remind them we are dealing with children.”

The gentle giant smiles widely again. “Oh, in that case, go. Haru-chan will come to replace you soon.”

Kuroko bows a little then presses on his smartphone’s screen. Yamazaki Sousuke looks at the lightbluehair as he nears the browngreenhair. “For someone so silent, he sure help people a lot.”

Makoto chuckles. “That’s one reason why I love him.”

Kuroko: [Well, why are you both desecrating my phone’s speaker?]

Kagami: (In English) [IMAYBEGOINGTOOFASTAOMINEISGOINGTOKILLMEHETHINKSISEDUCEDHIMWITHAPOTIONORMIDORIMASSPELLORSOMETHINGKUROKOTATSUKETTE!]

Aomine: (In Hiragana) [OhgodKagamiisgoingtosuemepleasehelpmetetsuIdonotmeantocaresshimor beloveydoveyortodoingsomeecchiecchistufftohim.]

Kuroko: (In Kanji and Hiragana) [You should both be ashamed of yourselves. First off, ruining my speakerphone when we have this Whatsapp technology is an insult to your smart phones. Secondly, I could somehow understand Aomine-kun, but Kagami-kun, rewrite your post in proper English or write in hiragana at the very least.]

Kagami: [I may be going too fast. Aomine is going to kill me, he thinks I seduced him with a potion or Midorima’s spell or something. Kuroko Tatsukette!]

Aomine: [I am not going to kill you, Aho! I just want to say sorry and ask you not to press charges against me for sexually harassing you or something!]

Kagami: [I am not pressing charges. Do you really love me?]

Aomine: [I do. You’re annoying, but I want to protect you.]

Kagami: [Yeah, me too.]

Kuroko: [Aomine-kun, from what I understand, you are afraid to do some ‘ecchi ecchi’ stuff to him.]

Aomine and Kagami: [Oi, Tetsu/Kuroko, you’ve been eavesdropping on us?]

Kuroko: [I’ve been here all this time.]

Aomine and Kagami: [EHHH???]

_Oi Tetsu, control your Misdirection a bit, you are starting to be a yokai! On fucking Whatsapp!_

_Kuroko, for once in your whole lifetime, type more!_

Kuroko: [Aomine-kun, Kagami-kun. If you really want to be boyfriends with each other, you will have to open up more to each other. Stop being egotistical. I don’t want you both to keep to the nonsenses of ‘The only one who can defeat me is me’ or ‘That is why I hate the weak’. Do you understand?]

Aomine and Kagami: [Understood.]

Kuroko: [Kagami-kun, keep your nonsense of ‘I don’t to be the best, we WILL be the best!’, but do it for Aomine-kun. Aomine-kun, don’t break up with Kagami-kun just because he gets weaker in whatever you think is most important in your life. I still have nightmares when you break your friendship with me just because you are too strong in basketball to work with me.]

Aomine: [Sorry, Tetsu.]

Kagami: [Okay, Kuroko.]

Kuroko: [Oh, Aomine-kun, do the ecchi-ecchi bara-bara shoujo-shoujo yaoi-yaoi stuff wth Kagami-kun IF, and I say IF, he wants it. You feel the shame now, but if you don’t comply, your relationship won’t last. And for now, don’t look at any naughty female magazines. Avert your gaze from big-breasted females and muscular males. Kagami-kun will feel jealous.]

Kagami: [Hah! As if.]

Kuroko: [You are his boyfriend now. You will, no, must, feel jealous, no matter how much you want to deny it. Well, I’m off to my own business. Try your best, both of you. And next time, Whatsapp me. Luckily I manage to stop Aomine before they learn words that are not appropriate for their age.]

Kuroko smiles as he logs off from the Whatsapp group. He walks to the front door to see Kise treating his children to some maibou. “Kise-kun!”

Kise hands over his maibou to one of his kids. He runs to Kuroko and slows to a jog. He carefully places his hands by Kuroko’s shoulder from the back. His smile is even wider. “Sorry for trying to ram you down. Is this better?”

Kuroko ruffles Kise’s hair. “Yes, Kise-kun. Sorry for trying to kick you. Want me to follow you home?”

Kise tilts his head slightly to the right. “Don’t you have work?”

“Sir Tachibana gives me half a day off.” The five of them walks home, chatting happily about the pool.

That night, Kagami sits quietly in Aomine’s car. They wear casually, with a thick hoodie for extra warmth. There is a line of motorcycles parked. “Aomine, are you sure the thief’s going to act here?”

“From what I understand, the thief cycles through areas around this district. Steal a bike, sell it off somewhere at trade websites, steal somewhere else, then sell again. Like clockwork, every Sunday night.”

Kagami is snoring and Aomine’s eyes are red when they finally spot one suspicious looking boy. “Kagami! Kagami!” The darkbluehair punches his partner’s shoulder a few times. The sleepyhead rubs his eyes. The boy is rummaging through his bag and is manipulating somewhere the handle of a motorcycle.

The two manages to close in to their prey without being noticed. They jump at the boy. “Hey what’s the big idea?”

The two of them looks at the ‘boy’, a blond with curly hair and red eyes. “Hazuki Nagisa?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How DID you end up here?


	3. A Failed Investigation, A Cooking Competition.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the author presents his lack of knowledge regarding police work, strongman training, winter, no, spring actually, and cooking competitions.

CHAPTER 3

“Hello? Is this Hazuki Nagisa?” The redhead waits impatiently.

“Yes, it’s me, Hazuki Nagisa. How can I help you?” The voice at the other end of the line is childish, innocent, and less anoying than Kise.

“I am the police and I have a friend of yours in custody,” he looks at the cute blond with red eyes, “or so he says.”

“Oh, officer, what is his name?”

“Hazuki Nagisa.”

The redhead can hear a sigh from the other end of the line. “He is always causing problems. May I know where you are holding him?”

Half an hour later, a short cute blond with red eyes appear before the police reception desk. He talks for a while with the woman on duty, and then is guided to a room. Aomine and Kagami rubs their eyes and looks at the two Nagisa Hazukis before them. Both of them are...

“Cute blond with red eyes, both of them.” The darkbluehair is looking at a jug of coffee. Perhaps rinsing his eyes with it will end the illusion?

“They’re like twins.”

One of the cute blond blurts in English. “Hey, punk, we totally are. What do you mean, like, ‘like’?”

The redhead is furious. “Shut up with your niggerspeak.”

Aomine and the captured Nagisa shouts together. “Hey, racist!”

“Alright, gangsterspeak! You, Nagisa, have copious criminal records regarding sale and rearing of endangered and much to our surprise, extinct dangerous animals.”

“I’ve learnt my lesson, brah. Those cases are years ago! I am now an entrepreneur selling marijuana...”

The other cute blond shakes the cute blond in holding. “Stop it Nagisa!”

The redhead snaps his fingers. “Aha, crime!”

“... In the US of A only, brah?”

“You are in Japan, bro,” Kagami gets closer to the cute blond, “and we can detain you, get some charges raised against you, and hell, even make what you said just now charged as a crime in Japan.”

“I admit I am a little threatened, sir, but your bitchass posing denies the simple fact that you have no case.”

“Yet.”

The cute blond gets closer, “Then you shoulda release me until you have one, eh?”

Kagami slams the table, aiming right in front of his captive. The other cute blond is crying while the one caught is still calm. “Why you little brat! Do you think...”

Aomine slams the the redhead down. The redhead’s face is squeezed unto the table. “Calm yourself, Kagami, we are not questioning him yet.”

Kagami huffs and relaxes. “Well, Mister Hazuki, I would like to ask you to wait in the front. We will begin questioning now.”

Unfortunately, they have no evidence to point that Hazuki Nagisa, the one captured by the duo, is actually the thief. However, they learn a lot regarding these Hazukis. For one, they are twins born in USA. Their parents are Americans of Japanese descent. Due to the naming system practiced by westerners, the punk’s first name is Hazuki, and his last or family name is Nagisa. The cutesy one is named Nagisa, first name, Hazuki, last name.

Their family left USA for Japan, and are both enrolled with the name Nagisa Hazuki to different schools. Their parents do this so that they are always called by the names appropriate to their cultural tendencies. However, since both are dual citizens of Japan and America, both countries are having trouble dealing with their records.

“I told you Hazuki, stop acting thuglike! You’re scaring the Japanese!”

“Hey, I roll the way I roll, Nagisa. I have no idea if that’s thugspeak, but you get mah point! And secondly, that’s stereotyping, you should not stereotype people based on their looks!”

“Well, the two policemen judged you by the way you act! Why are you scooting by people’s motorcycles?”

“Because Easter Dave wants his bike fixed, that’s what! Now these two hotshots are stopping me from paying favours!”

“Who’s Easter Dave?”

The thug shota’s head turns toward the questioner. “None of your goddamn business! Oh you’re still here, Officer Aomine.”

The darkbluehair himself is stoic, but his right eye is open slightly bigger than his left. The redhead’s anger already left his body, his face only showing curiosity. He fakes a cough.  “Well, while I wrap my head around the fact that there are two Nagisa Hazuki, who are twins, and nothing to compare against except criminal records...”

“Yo, hotshot, I got mah tats.” The thug shota, Mister Nagisa, raises his shirt to reveal two pistols and BARA BARA engraved in black ink on his stomach.

“And officer, I have no tattoos at all.” Mister Hazuki chuckles a bit.

The redhead nods slightly, looking a bit to the right. “What I want to say is, we are investigating a serial motorcycle theft case. If you have any leads or tips, don’t hesitate to call.” He hands a card with both hands, stooping a little.

“What? Your personal number?”

The redhead massages his forehead. “It’s the number to our police station.”

“Well, as courtesy demands, here, have mah number. Call me Mister Nagisa, that’s how you folks roll in Japan. There’s business number, not for the hash though, it’s still illegal in Japan. If you’re keen for some deer or cheap Kobe beef or other exotic, and may I stress, legal,” Mister Nagisa forms his thumb and index finger to a circle to his lips and makes a smooching sound, “delicacies, don’t hesitate to give a call.”

Mister Hazuki smiles as he pulls his hands to the back. “I assure you officers, our restaurant will offer the most exotic of services to the Japanese in Japan!”

Kagami stoops a little as a formal sign of respect while taking the card wih both hands. “Thank you. Please offer us any help regarding the investigation.”

The thug shota reverts to Japanese. “Well, you seem more well-mannered than just a few hours ago.”

Aomine slaps Kagami’s back. The redhead winces in pain. “He is supposed to be the good cop. Unfortunately he is more like a thug than I am.”

And back to English. “Well that’s mah man. Living the thug life honestly! I can see that this will be a start of a beautiful relationship.” Hazuki jumps quite a bit and slings his hand by the redhead’s neck. The redhead is about to explode.

“Hazuki, stop it! You are about to make the frightening redhead officer angry again!”

Kagami’s face is red hot, his head begins to ache from the blood pressure, and a vein begins to bulge under his forehead’s skin. Aomine removes Hazuki’s hand, and holds Kagami by his shoulders. “Alright, Mister Hazuki, Mister Nagisa, you are free to go.”

Mister Hazuki pushes Hazuki’s head down as the thug shota reaches out his right hand to shake. “Thank you officers. Apologies for troubling you.”

Aomine taps the redhead’s shoulder a few times. Kagami, still fuming, drops himself on the guest chairs. The darkbluehair sits beside him. They are both silent.

The next morning, they are standing before Sakurai. “Well, Aomine, Kagami. It seems like all the training to make you an investigator have failed to educate you. For that, I am sorry.”

Their boss locks his fingers and supports his chin with his thumbs. “Kagami, you should be more aware of your anger issues. If Mister Hazuki decides to press charges for your behaviour, you will shame me as your superior. I am sorry that I will not say sorry to you as I shoo you away from this building and job. And Aomine, we are in Japan. If you need a partner, you will need to ask first.”

“I’m sorry, sir. It will not happen again.” The redhead bows deeply, then raises his head again. “Then, can I be partnered with Aomine?”

“And why is that?”

The redhead looks down to the left. “Yesterday I am about to burst in anger. And he calms me down somehow. I think Aomine will be a good partner for me.”

“How about you, Aomine?”

“Can I have a trial period?”

“I’m sorry, but no. If you think he is incompatible, you may come to me to reconsider your options. It may not look like it, but the both of you may go along swimmingly on the job.”

“Well, I think he isn’t too bad.”

Sakurai nods with approval. He opens one of his drawers and places a form with a pen. “It’s good seeing two alpha males working together instead of shooting parting shots at each other. Write your names, in kanji and romaji, and I’ll deal with the paperwork.”

Aomine surprisingly does know how to write Kanji. Kagami has to scratch his own name three times before he gets it right. They open the door to exit the office, and everyone scurries back to their desks. “Well, I don’t know we are the subject of gossips.”

“We do look like an item. Although until yesterday, we only have been sniping at each other.”

“Which reminds me,” Kagami rubs Aomine’s stomach, “when?”

Aomine responds by sighing and knocking his head at Kagami. They both walk together, the redhead smirking and the darkbluehair looking disinterested.

A month passes. The sweat from Aomine’s brow drops like torrent as he struggles to do decline pushups.

“Come on, this is the last set! 6! 7! Aaaaand 8! Alright, rest!” The redhead taps the darkbluehair’s shoulders as he slumps on the grass.

“Kagami, are you going to cook?”

“No, you need to train your cooking too.”

“Aww come on. I could barely lift my hands.”

“No excuse. I still have to cook after flipping tires and carrying logs.”

The darkbluehair groans even louder. “If only Sakurai is still the person he once was.”

“Well, he still is, you just don’t get to see it.”

“How do you know so much about him? He studied at Touou Academy, not Seirin High School.”

“We join the same cooking club. He’s my cooking rival. Alright, now for decline planks.”

Aomine looks around Alexandra’s gym after the exercise. It does not look like the usual high-class gyms witha air conditioning, bright colours, and rows upon rows of treadmills and blaring pop songs. It looks like a warehouse, with stack of plates and very heavy logs and stone balls.

Aomine could last thirty seconds before he drops. “First set.”

“Try harder.” Kagami’s back is still straight in his decline plank. He lasts a minute and a half.

Aomine finally ends his exercises after finishing his Bulgarian squats. But Kagami’s exercise regime is very different. He lift the stone balls up a platform, then drops it back down repeatedly. He flips tractor tyres. He carries steel cylinders, called farmer’s logs, back and forth.

The sun has set for an hour when they are finished. The two of them are jogging quickly through the road. “Sun does set early when it’s spring.”

Kagami huffs through the cold. “Hey, since we are going to be free these few days, you want to go join me compete in cooking?”

“Free? The thief is still on the loose! And I could barely cook anything!”

“I will compete in two-team division. I need a partner. I already taught you how to prepare food for cooking right?”

Aomine looks at him. The watch buzzes. He changes pace to a slow walk. “Well, why not your brother Himuro?”

Kagami matches his pace. “He competes alongside Murasakibara.”

“Sakurai?”

“He teams with Momoi.”

“Serious?” Aomine chuckles at the possibility. “Tetsu?”

“I team up with Nanase-kun.”

The two darkskinned lovers jumps from the voice behind them. “Whoa!”

The lightbluehair smiles as he joins them in their walking. “Aomine-kun, please join Kagami-kun. He can teach you a lot more about cooking in the competition.”

“Well, what are you cooking, Kagami?”

“The contest isn’t actually a professional competition, although the atmosphere may look like one. I’ll just cook something simple. Unless someone supplies exotic meats, then we should have exotic methods to cook it. You Kuroko?”

“Nanase will be the light of cooking. I as always, remain the shadow.”

The watch buzzes again.”Kuroko, we jog!”

“Yes!”

By the time they reach Kagami’s house, Aomine is shaking. He could barely stand. “Aomine-kun, are you alright?”

The darkbluehair’s face is sullen, exhausted. “I need a... “, and he drops.

Kuroko carries Aomine on his back. “Where should I take him, Kagami-kun?”

“Bring him into the house, lie him down on the sofa.” The redhead looks in amazement as the lightbluehair carries his friend. _Man, Kuroko’s getting swole!_

The darkbluehair groans as he tries to catch his breath. Soon he lies asleep on the couch. The lightbluehair smiles as he looks at his best friend snoring quietly on the sofa. “This reminds me of how I was back in Teiko.”

Kagami scratches his head. “What, you were even weaker than the first day we met at Seirin?”

“Yes. I didn’t develop my body, being too focused on my Misdirection. There was one time Aomine-kun and Kise-kun fought over my pass when I puke due to exhaustion on the court. Let’s just say I have to clean the mess I started.”

Chuckling, the redhead goes to his kitchen and brings out a jug of coffee and three glasses. The coffee is hot, with milk and no sugar.

“Don’t coffee interfere with your sleep, Kagami-kun?”

“Nah, I’m too tired to stay awake after nine pm.”

“That’s strongman training to you.” The lightbluehair sips his coffee. “Kagami-kun, how do you find Aomine-kun?”

“He’s a good teammate. You know how you always had calmed me down during our year together? Aomine could do that too, but his style... is different.”

“Different how?” The lightbluehair blows the coffee to remove its steam. He rests his head by Aomine’s shoulder.

“He can strongarm me, but most of the time his calms demeanour infects me. Like I can’t stop feeling calm when he’s around. When I am with you, my blood often boil over and you stop me. He rarely ever have to do that. It’s like he is the strong, silent type.”

Kuroko nods. “I thought you are seme in this relationship.”

“Oi! I am the seme! I think...” Kagami blushes as he scratches slightly his right cheek. “Kuroko, actually I haven’t done sex yet.”

“By my experience, Seme-Uke dichotomy isn’t just about sexual positions. It is about who dominates in the relationship. It can change over time or by situation. Any reason why you haven’t done sex yet?”

“Not really, I just don’t feel like doing it. And Aomine never raised the question either.”              

“It’s not important whether you did sex or not. What’s important is that you talk about it.”

Kagami looks puzzled. “It’s only been a month. Why are you telling to have sex with Aomine?”

“I don’t tell you to do it with him, I tell you to talk about it.”

“But, it’s only been a month.”

“And you started your relationship with him with a cuddle. I think both of you are really into each other, but no one’s making the moves needed to advance. Until you bought him some food.”

Aomine stirs and looks at Kuroko. “Tetsu, don’t interfere with our sexual relationship. We’ll do it when we are ready.”

“Sorry.”

The darkbluehair flips his body before sitting up. “Well, since you are so rude, I will punish you with a question.”

“I think that is only proper. What would it be, Aomine-kun?”

He strokes his chin for a few seconds. “Why do you choose Tachibana?”

Kuroko thinks his coffee is no longer hot. He chugs it all down. “He is strong, but not as strong as either of you are. He’s good to me, but not as good as the both of you are to me.” He fills his cup to half, then swirls it a little with his right hand. “But I choose him, because his strength is a gentle strength. I feel comfortable being in his hug, compared to both of you.”

“So we are both too seme for your liking?”

“As much as it had surprised me, yes.”

The two semes look at each other. “What’s so surprising, Kuroko?”

Kuroko smiles at the both of them. “Makoto is the uke. I am the seme.”

The two semes can only shout “Eeeeehhh?!”

Kuroko waves at the two lovers as he walks away from the front gate. Kagami hugs Aomine’s waist as the darkbluehair waves. “The cooking competition lasts two days, starting on Saturday. Come, let me help you make dinner.”

“What’s for today?”

“Hamburgers. We make it ourselves this time.”

“Awesome. But first, shower. We stink.”

On the day of the contest, Aomine and Kagami stacks large coolers filled with cooking ingredients into the van they rented for the event. “Why are we carrying all this? Aren’t the ingredients all prepared for us?”

Kagami readjusts his winter cap. “I am only sure about the elimination stage. The main event is much more varied, even within the theme. Last year, Kasamatsu and Hyuuga lost the second elimination round because they don’t cook chicken and they took too much time to look for their chicken.”

“I know Hyuuga was your captain in the first year, but who’s Kasamatsu?”

“The guy who always hit Kise.”

Aomine straghtens his back. “You mean hit on.”

“No, hit.” Kagami slams the van’s sliding door close. “Let’s recheck our stuffs one last time.”

The venue is packed. Everyone participating is hoping to win the prizes. From an expensive multipurpose cooker, to a four days three night vacation in Hawai’i, everyone is gunning for something. The rest are hoping to taste the food and see what recipes the contestants will come up with.

Kagami is patted in the back. “Good to see you here, Taiga.”

“Eh, Tatsuya! How do you do?”

“I’m fine, but Atsushi is too excited. He wants to cook something other than pastries.”

“Hello, Kaga-chin.” The purplehair is chewing his chocolate slowly. He takes another small bite.

Aomine nods his head at Murasakibara. “Why is he eating his chocolate slowly?”

Himuro Tatsuya shrugs. “Doctor says to reduce Atsushi’s sugar intake. He’s afraid of having his leg chopped off, so he actually follows the doctor’s advice. What he eats here is a keto chocolate.”

Aomine looks at the chocolate stoically. But he can’t help with the drool dropping off his mouth. _There’s such a thing? Why I never heard this?_

The purplehair tugs at his shorter friend’s jacket. “Muro-chin, let’s get ready for the contest.”

“Of course, Atsushi. Good luck, Taiga. I will be your rival.”

Kagami smiles widely, his teeth showing. “Let’s see how your good your cooking skills are.”

The competition begins with the first elimination round. There are five hundred contestants and despite being in the middle of spring, the stadium where it is held quickly gains heat. The required dish is fried chilli rice with fried eggs. No extra ingredients allowed at this stage. You are given an hour.

Aomine is busy peeling off the shallots. He can’t help feeling insulted. “Why we need to do a simple dish?”

Kagami is washing his knives. “They need to filter people. No use to judge people many times if they are too bad at cooking.”

Soon Aomine has readied the shallots, garlics, ginger, dried shrimps, and small chillies. “Alright, it’s ready to be smashed.”

Kagami picks three garlic cloves, four shallots, a small fistful of dried shrimps and after mulling it over, five small chillies. “Smash them in the mortar. Take care of your eyes.”

“I know that!” Aomine cuts his garlics in half. Then the shallots into quarters. He removes the stalks from the chillies before throwing it into the mortar. Then he presses it with his pestle. He is more rough with the garlic and shallots, throwing them bit by bit before crushing it. Lastly, he adds the dried shrimp and crushes it a bit. “Done!”

“Good. Check the rice.”

The steam softly touches Aomine’s face, causing him to pull his head back from the heat. The rice is a bit dry, not good for the usual Japanese fare, but excellent for fried rice. He smiles with satisfaction. “It’s done!”

The redhead pours a little oil on the wok. He smiles at the darkbluehair. “Scoop it out!”

Aomine gingerly scoop the rice out with a ladle. With modern technology, wooden ladles are no longer used. Instead, they have a plastic design with bumps to prevent the rice from sticking. He places it next to the redhead’s stove. The base is prepared, the rice is fried, and is placed aside. Making fried eggs is a simple business, therefore Aomine takes over.

The jury enjoys the rice Kagami fries. He inhales air through his mouth, enjoying the slightly excruciating pain from the spiciness of the chilli. “Excellent! Qualified! Let’s see you on the next round.”  The rest of the contestants aren’t as smooth as this however.

Aida Kagetora, a sixty-young-man, and his daughter, Aida Riko, is busy preparing the rice. It looks normal enough. The taste tester on duty scoops the rice with fear. He chews a bit. He spits some foreign object from his mouth into his palm. “What is this?”

Aida Riko smiles. “Banana!”

“Why do you have a banana in the rice?”

“For potassium!”

“Due to using foreign materials,” the jury points his board at her, “DISQUALIFIED!”

“EEEEHHH???!!!”

The jury walks over to the next table for judging. Three tables later, the jury collapses before he could judge anything from the contestants in front of him.

Sakurai and Momoi have prepared their rice, in the shape of a cat, with ears and whiskers from raw onions as decorations. The fried egg is placed on the right side, as if a blanket. The jury eats it all up.

Aomine's boss reverts to his old self. “I’m sorry, the onions are raw! It’s only meant for decoration!”

“No matter, it’s good. Qualified, let’s see you on the next round.”

The two of them hold each others’ hands and do a jig.

Himuro and Murasakibara is next. The jury looks at the purplehair as he squats behind the table. “Why don’t you stand up?”

“Muro-chin says I will intimidate you.”

The jury laughs as he waves his board dismissively. “Nonsense! Stand, let’s see the meal you’ve prepared.”

He stands, and the jury raises his hand in fear. The monster is now a hundred and seven kilograms, two meter and twenty centimeters high monster. The jury smiles, his knees shaking, palms are sweaty. “Let’s try your rice.”

Himuro presents the jury with his rice. It looks simple enough. The jury gingerly tastes it, and he falls in awe at its taste. His smile free from fear, he raises a thumbs up. “Qualified! Let’s see you on the next round.” His cheerful demeanour continues to a few tables down the line, where less than stellar examples of cookery is also given the pass.

Kagami raises a fist to his mate. “On to the next round, Aomine.”

The darkbluehair responds in kind. “Oh yeah.”

Kuroko sees his two lights cooperating. “Nanase-kun, I will help you defeat them.”

The cook responds with a nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, well thanks for the read.


End file.
